12 rules to become a WOKE baker

Being woke is super trendy these days. The woke folk operate on a level of heightened awareness that the rest of society has not yet ascended to. Simply put, the WOKE are awake to the nefarious tactics of the universe, and work to build their immunity with finger pointing, and calculated bursts of outrage. (RELATED: Read about the cookies that resist cancel culture here).

Woke folks are: (a short list)

  • Aware of the world ending within the decade;
  • Aware of the rights of everybody;
  • Manufacture lists on who can wear their hair in braids.

Overall, the woke have a high-level of consciousness to all forms of evils and injustices, which even extends to the lack of diversity in Roald Dahl’s fictional story : Charlie and the Chocolate factory.

But surprisingly, the woke doctrines are incomplete. I stepped up to create a DIY for those who want to extend their “wokeness” to baking. After weeks of research, I determined the 12 rules that will help one become a WOKE baker.

Willy Wonka’s response to the accusations of lack of diversity at his factory

12 rules to become a woke baker:

1. Dairy products must not be used under ANY circumstances. It is reported that the brillant white of egg shells and cow’s milk is systematically forced. Furthermore, repeated use of dairy products will cut the time left on earth in exactly half. (Click here for vegan options for baking. Remember, bananas are a good substitute for eggs as well as this product available on Amazon.)

2. Try your best to use the natural (solar) sunlight to cook your desserts. This means timing the sun and placing your broccoli avocado cookies out on the terrace. Do be careful of the squirrels, but you need not be wary of insects as they provide more ETHICAL protein.

3. Open a twitter account. It is ESSENTIAL to share your baking recipes online to spread meaningful awareness. (While you’re at it, follow your’s truly on twitter @_cookiesarelife).

4. Limit processed ingredients, and choose ORGANIC products supplied by local farmers markets, or from partner stores such as Wholefoods Market. (Wholefoods is only available in US & Canada, but you can find similar stores in your area.)

5. It is a grave SIN to use any plastic utensils and storage tools. Woke bakers must champion sustainable kitchen products like eco -friendly bags, and bamboo stirring sticks. Click here for an online supplier.

6. Set up a compost system to responsibly compost ALL that you don’t eat in the kitchen. Food wastage is not the thing for a woke baker! Click here for more in-kitchen sustainability tips.

Scroll down for 6 more rules!

7. Keep your baking COLORFUL by adding as many plants as possible to your recipes. Also, use sustainable cocoa to create chocolate chip cookies, and other chocolatey desserts. The darker the cocoa, the better.

8. COMMIT to using Spelt flour , Buckwheat flour, and Coconut sugar. Spelt flour reportedly does not require pesticides, and buckwheat flour requires little chemical processing. Coconut sugar is good…just because.

9. Calculate the carbon footprint of each recipe BEFORE attempting to create it. If you participate in activities that increase your footprint, consider choosing a recipe with a low carbon footprint. Calculate your food carbon footprint here. (The downloadable calculator opens up in google).

10. Refreshments are to be supplied to the very PEACEFUL environmentally friendly protests, where attendees do not leave their posters behind.

11.Promote EQUALITY by activitely keeping all your cookies and bars uniform. The best way to ensure this is by using the same sustainable spoon (or scoop), to portion out the dough. In addition, avoid putting too many cookie sheets in the oven because it may lead to unequal distribution of heat, and your cookies won’t bake perfectly.

12. Last but not least, HAVE FUN and keep in mind that your contributions could help save us all from extinction!

Do you have more rules to add to this list? comment below!

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